In 2011, Amy Chua published a book entitled “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother“. As a tiger dad, I felt obligated to speak out and I did, with an article entitled The Battle Hymn of The Tiger Dad. Below is the conclusion:
There are many ways to do the same thing. In parenting, between the Chinese way and the American way, I chose the latter and am very happy about it!
Now, twelve years later, I have more complete results to report:
- My elder son Dan (Yale, Economics, Class 2009) is now the CEO of a start-up named “The Real Seat” (https://www.therealseat.com/). It is intended to rival Ticket Master or Stub Hub (his last employer).
- My younger son Ben (Michigan, Business, Class 2011) is now the CFO of a major line of business within GE.
What, then, is the secret behind their success?
Parenting (50%) plus self-effort (50%)!
Here is what this tiger Dad did in terms of parenting: He shaped them by age 12, when they became obnoxiously rebellious (aka “growing up” or “becoming independent”), just like most teenagers do.
Specifically, I taught them how to swim and enrolled them in a YMCA competitive swimming program in December 1997 (i.e., before they knew how to firmly say “no” to me)!
Why swimming?
Below are six good reasons:
- It is an individual sport: You work hard, and you see the result.
- It is objective: You go against the time and the result is rarely in dispute.
- It is safe: Neither of them knew how to spell PT, as neither spent a single minute in Physical Therapy.
- It is all-year around: out-door in the Summer and in-door for the rest of the year.
- It is great for development, both physical and mental.
- It is the sport they could possibly be best at, through high school at least. FYI: They both ended up around 5’10” in height, not great for any “real” college sport (e.g., basketball or even swimming).
Very importantly, I know how to swim and I know how to teach, to my own children at least!
The results for Ben:
- In the Summer of 1999 (at age 10), representing the state of IL (Illinois), he won 100 free at the Mid-State (i.e., Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio) swim championships.
- In March 2002 (at age 12), he dominated IL swimming by winning 100 free, 200 free, 100 IM, and 200 IM, while placing 2nd in 100 back and 200 back.
- He learned how to win and lose via swimming.
The results for Dan:
- In March 2002 (at age 14), he placed 2nd in 50 free in IL swimming, next to Tyler McGill (an Olympic Gold Medalist in 2012), while finishing in the finals in all five other events (i.e., 100 free, 200 free, 100 fly, 200 fly, and 100 back).
- In 2005 (as a senior in high school), he became an IL high school state champion by anchoring the 200 Medley Relay for Naperville Central High School, while placing 5th in 50 free.
- Swimming got him into Yale.
Oh, they both did three sports in junior high school (i.e., cross country, basketball, and track) and high school (i.e., cross country, swimming, and water polo). Swimming was the sport for them, with the rest being for cross-training.
As for the school work through high school, below is an excerpt from The Battle Hymn of The Tiger Dad:
It is mostly in the genes! Additionally, I did set up a positive environment for them, such as scattering many good books around them when they were very young. Two things for sure though: (1) my wife and I never really helped them with any schoolwork, and (2) neither of them studied for the college exams. Strangely, they both ended up with the same ACT score (34) and almost identical SAT scores (~1500, math and verbal combined). These scores were hardly impressive by the Chinese standards. But swimming got my elder son into Yale (Economics) in 2005, while overall quality led my younger son into GE (the leadership program) in January 2011, after three and a half years at Michigan (Business).
Parenting is hard. As a tiger father, I have done my share. Hopefully you find this article interesting and helpful.
